Compost Happens

Sometimes, bad things happen.  Injuries.  Losses.  Injustices.  Setbacks. We can't avoid them.  We can't prevent them.  What matters is what we do with them.

Of course there will be an initial reaction.  Anger.  Grief.  Frustration. Sadness.

The most important thing is to not become paralyzed, wallowing in these negative feelings.  To move on, after an appropriate time.

There may be some cognitive analysis about what's happened.  Some lessons learned.  Some decisions about the future. Again, the trick is not to wallow.  Not to stay trapped by repetitive thoughts.

The best way to move on is to take action.  To move forward.  To take steps to improve the situation.

Like my gardener friend Julia advises, "Compost happens."

We both lost our mothers this year.  And we've both been stunned and blindsided at some of the actions taken by our family members -- at a time when we would have preferred their support.  We've both been disheartened and dismayed when relatives have hurt us.  But all we can do is walk away with our lumps and move on -- with gratitude for the love and support that, thankfully, we get from others.  Some people may have behaved nastily to us...but many more people have been kind during this sad, difficult process.


What about you?  Are you holding on to some 'compost' unnecessarily?  What can you do to let go and move on?

Keeping Up Appearances

"Aging Gracefully" by Linda Moskalyk

One unavoidable hurdle one must face when turning fifty:  our appearance.  It's startling to look in the mirror and see a fifty year old staring back.  

Actually, until last year, I was feeling pretty good on this front.  I felt healthy and in shape and happy.  I considered myself reasonably fit, relative to others my age.

When I attended a joint 50th Birthday Party last summer, I was eager to reconnect with folks I hadn't seen since high school.  I was looking forward to the event, even though it had been a very stressful, challenging month leading up to the event -- my mother had passed away unexpectedly one month before  I was left, as her only relative, to sort out everything.  The strain of these weeks took its toll emotionally, psychologically and physically.  I wasn't sleeping well.  I was self-medicating with comfort food and comfort wine.

Still, when the party rolled around, I was feeling reasonably good about myself and my appearance.  Especially given the circumstances.

Okay, I confess:  I wasn't entirely delighted with the ravages of the prior month so I had my pal Jani do my makeup -- to work her professional magic to heal what she could.  

Let's be honest:  it's unnerving to meet people one hasn't seen for thirty-one years.  There's an assessment process inherent in the reconnection:  how do we look?  Are we recognizable from our teen selves?  How attractive are we?  And the kicker:  do we look (cough) fifty?

Well, apparently I went to high school with many very kind people.  They said very complementary things about my appearance -- and most of them didn't even know what hell I'd been going through. 

Subsequently, photos from the event were swapped and shared.  Damn.  Talk about a reality check.  The camera revealed the truth:  alas, I am a doughy, wrinkled, fifty year old.

Well, really, what was I expecting?  I am, after all, fifty.  Fitness has not been a focus of my life in recent years.  My drug of choice is food.  Runner up:  wine.  I have not partaken in plastic surgery or botox or any of the other California traditions.  

So what are my options?  I could go about changing my appearance -- exercise more, consume less, go under the knife.  Or I could change my attitude about my appearance.  To understand the folly of desiring to look younger or better than one does.  To accept my current state as it is.  To age gracefully.

At some point, most middle-aged people confront this issue:  how to deal with one's current appearance.  It's a very personal way of dealing with the crux of being fifty.  Our youth is gone.  Decades have flown by.  How do we want to present ourselves to the world at this point in time?  How shall we deal with the effects of the decades to come? 

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this -- message me or leave your comments below.

Anticipating Obstacles

My 50 Frolics are off to a great start.  As of this week, I’ve already enjoyed eight frolics.  As I talk to more friends, more ideas and plans for more frolics are emerging.  I’m truly pleased -- my fiftieth year is going to be more fun and frolic-filled than I’ve experienced in the last decade.

However, I’m aware that many project start like this...off to a great start and then sidelined by unforeseen obstacles. 

I don’t want that to happen to my Fifty Frolics project. 

To that end, I need to identify what might get in the way, and prepare myself accordingly.  KInda like an obstacle inoculation.

Possible Obstacles:

1.  Slipping back into old habits.

It’s funny how you can be full of mad resolve, embarking on a new initiative...and then, a few weeks later, notice that you’re back to doing the same ol’ same ol’.  Let’s take my 50 Treats initiative for example.  I started out great on my birthday, purchasing fresh cut flowers and special ingredients for my birthday dinner...and since then I’ve faltered. 

I’m keeping track of my commitments using Ye Olde Excel Spreadsheet.  I couldn’t help but notice yesterday that I’ve only enjoyed two treats in the past four weeks.  So I made a point of picking out some glorious special cheeses for our next trip to the farm.

My gameplan is that my spreadsheet will help keep me on track.

2.  Negative people

As excited as I am about my Fifty Frolics project, it’s horrifying to see how others’ reactions can squash my enthusiasm.  Even something as innocuous as a lukewarm reception can cause me to doubt the merits of my efforts.  I need to remind myself to stay on track, regardless of what anyone else thinks.   

The point is, it’s going to be a better year for me if I focus on my 50 Frolics (and my other 50th year initiatives) than if I don’t, so why wouldn’t I do them.

3. Getting overly busy

It’s fine to commit to 50 Frolics -- basically an average of one a week.  But what happens when work and domestic responsibilities and random other things swell to fill my schedule? 

Again, I’m counting on my spreadsheet as a way to stay on track.

4.  Life intervenes

Case in point:  when my mother passed away unexpectedly a few months ago, my professional life got derailed.  Everything else got put on hold while I dealt with all that needed attention. 

It’s been unsettling to see how off kilter I got thrown.  Only now am I getting back to work...and I’m still not quite back up to full speed.

It’s an extreme example, but smaller things -- an illness, a move, an unprecedented event -- can also affect commitment and progress on any project. 

So what can I do to stay on track with my project, no matter what?  Somehow, no matter what unfolds this year, I need to remind myself that this is the year of my 50 Frolics.  I’m counting that the public nature of this commitment through this blog will see me through.

5.  Fatigue 

Well, I *am* older now.  Fifty years old, unbelievably.  I find myself moving slower, thinking slower and needing more sleep than I did during earlier decades. 

My hope is that the 50 Frolics will give me energy, rather than deplete it.  So far that’s been the case. 

* * *

What about you?  What obstacles derail your projects and how do you overcome them?  I’d love to hear from you -- message me or leave a comment.