Legacy

During a milestone year, like turning fifty, it’s natural to contemplate what legacy, if any, we’re leaving behind.

Those who have raised or fostered children have a ready, vivid answer. 

Those of us who are happily childfree, don’t. 

I never wanted kids.   Rare is the day that goes by in which I don’t thank my lucky stars that I avoided parenthood. So when I think of my ‘legacy’, I can’t think in traditional terms like genes or future generations.  I have to ask, at a basic level, what is it that I am leaving behind in the world?

Now I have co-fostered and co-trained service dogs with my husband.  I know that counts because I’ve seen the difference it has made in people’s lives.  Our first pup is now a Guide Dog for the Blind, bestowing personal and professional freedom to a consultant/public speaker.  Our second pup is a Dog4Diabetic service dog who has literally saved the life of his person dozens of times.  Future pups will no doubt transmit other benefits to the community.

I know the teaching and coaching and writing I do helps people.  It’s gratifying to see writers publishing their books -- and musicians thriving financially -- and entrepreneurs achieving their financial goals.  When readers write to tell me that my articles or blogs or books have been helpful or interesting, it’s lovely to realize that others are benefiting from my words.  It might not be world peace or a cure for cancer but it does seem to be a net, albeit modest, contribution to the planet.

Maybe that’s all legacy means:  a net contribution.  As long as we are we’re giving more to the world than we’re taking, that’s a legacy.  If we’re being responsible members of society rather than harming others.  If we’re good stewards of the environment rather than plundering it.

And this can translate into smaller acts:  we can leave a legacy by  

* growing and creating things, rather than just consuming

Whether it’s a vegetable garden or a handmade sweater, making things is a contribution.  There are probably bonus points for ‘upcycling’ -- for taking apparent trash and making something useful or beautiful with it.

* loving more than hating

Sure there are some people who are challenging to love -- especially those who hurt us -- and there are benefits to forgiving them (as we would want to be forgiven).

Happily, it’s easy to give affection to people we do care about.  To -- in the lyrics of James Taylor -- “shower the people we love with love”.  To truly appreciate them and what they bring to our lives.

* sharing and knowledge and ideas, rather than hiding it from others

Education might be another form of love.  The more knowledge we can spread in our communities, our professions and our personal lives, the greater the gift to the world.

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What about  you?  What do you think about the legacy you're leaving? Message me or leave a comment.

If Only...

As part of my desire to read (at least) 50 Books during my fiftieth year, I read the classic A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith.  Appended at the end of the book was an essay by the author entitled ‘Fall In Love With Life’. 

Smith notes that “As a listening child, [she] often heard older people say [things like] “If only I had my life to live over...”  She vowed to not fall prey to the same fate.  Later in life, however, when she found herself “middle-aged and alone....[She], too, began to think: “If only I had my life to live over again.”

When turning fifty, it's natural -- and a little scary -- to contemplate 'if only'.  To muse alternative fates, as if we had any choice in the matter.  

For as much as I believe we do the best we can at any point in life, it is tempting to wonder (if not fantasize) about alternative scenarios.

If only...I would have embraced my creative pursuits earlier. I was trained to work HARD -- to toil and struggle and earn success.  To pooh-pooh things that came easily.  I loved writing as a kid but it was fun and easy and it never occurred to me to write professionally until much later in life.

Then again, had I started writing professionally when I was in my twenties, I would have withered in the face of editors' rejections.  As it happens, because I was a late bloomer in terms of having a byline, I had a much more secure and realistic perspective.  I understood that an editor's 'no' was not a personal affront but rather a reflection of available column space for that issue. 

If only...I would have identified and dealt with my perfectionism earlier in life.  I regret the unnecessary stress and strain I would have saved myself and everyone around me.

This one's tougher.  At this juncture, I see no benefit for the extra decades of angst.  I guess the only saving grace is that as least I did learn the impact that perfectionism was having on me.  Some people never do. And I've done my best to help others avoid or abate the pain the perfectionism, for example in this Acceptance workbook.

If only...I would have traveled more during the past decade.  I adore travel.  I did a lot early in life and then, about ten years ago, I stopped.  Practicalities intervened and now, poof, it's years later and I realize that I've been depriving myself of something important.  Worse, I recognize that it'll be more challenging for me to hoist my fifty year old carcass up the steps of Machu Picchu and otherwise around the globe than it would have been in my fitter days.  

Still, this is all the more reason to make a point to travel more in the years to come.  If not now, then when?

Another good reason to contemplate 'if onlys'...to makes some course corrections before it's too late.

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What are your 'if only's'?  Message me or leave a comment below.

Guilty Pleasures

It's pretty fun and easy to identify "treats" and include them into my plans for making the most of turning fifty.  So far this year, I've made it a point to sprinkle treats through the weeks -- spa treatments and orchids and tasty, specialty foods and so forth.

Sure, everyone loves chocolate and massages --  but what about those things I really enjoy that I'm not "supposed" to?  It's more challenging to allow myself these Guilty Pleasures.

For one thing, I have to admit my vices.  For another, I have to convince myself that it's really okay to enjoy these otherwise embarrassing things.

 Here are two of my Guilty Pleasures:

1.  Naps

Many studies have demonstrated myriad health benefits to napping -- but to me it's a Guilty Pleasure with a capital GUILT. 

My family had very strict work ethics.  I was raised to work HARD.  To struggle and toil.  To feel like a failure unless I had pushed myself to specific goals. 

It took a while, but eventually I re-trained myself to cultivate a less aggressively ambitious attitude.  These days, I'm delighted to report, I live a pretty balanced live.

Still, given my formative training, I feel guilty when I nap.  And I love naps.  There's nothing more soothing than taking a physical break in the day. Especially when I can cuddle with my two 72 lb dogs.  

This year, as part of making the most of turning fifty, I'm allowing myself some guilt-free naps.

2.  Web Surfing

It's one thing to be a news junkie -- it's another to bounce around websites of little redeeming value.  I can't explain why, but I'm drawn to keep abreast of memes and celebrity trivia and random topics like What Kate Wore. It's silly. I'd much rather be thinking about weightier things.  Yet every day, I find myself drifting back to what I know to be mindless time-fillers.  

I can't explain the attraction, but the truth is I truly *like* knowing what's going on in the popular culture. 

So, this year, I'm ratcheting back the guilt as I surf my favourite blogs.

How about you?  What are you Guilty Pleasures?  Send me a message or post a comment below.

Finding Hidden Treasures in Your Home

As part of my commitment to read (at least) 50 Books this year, I've made a nice discovery:  there are hidden gems in my home.  

It's amazing how many wonderful books I've found on our bookshelves.  It's like browsing in my own personal bookstore -- and it's pre-tailored to my literary tastes. Some tomes were probably gifts.  Some were purchased but were shelved and somehow forgotten.  Whatever their origin, another perk of my 50th projects  has become mining the treasures I didn't know I had.

It's kinda like a book version of 'shopping in your own closet'. Which is another fun discovery.  Turns out there are some lovely items hanging in my closet that I can't remember buying. This is a bit odd, given that I'm not much of a clotheshorse. I don't enjoy clothes shopping, so I don't do it very often -- and still somehow I've managed to acquire hidden treasures among my wardrobe.


At this point in life, I don't feel compelled to acquire new stuff -- so it feels good to identify and repurpose what I already have.

I have plenty of art and craft supplies, for example.  Enough for more than the 50 Creative Projects I've committed to this year.  It feels great to make use of what I already have.

It's odd.  I'm pretty good at pruning my belongings. I make a point of going through all the household cupboards and drawers every year to donate or dispose of what's not needed.  Nevertheless, I'm finding forgotten treasures throughout our home.  And this year I'm making good use of them.

What about you?  What kinds of hidden treasures have you found in your home?  Do you enjoy 'shopping your closet' or browsing your own bookshelf?  Message me or leave a comment below.