If Only...

As part of my desire to read (at least) 50 Books during my fiftieth year, I read the classic A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith.  Appended at the end of the book was an essay by the author entitled ‘Fall In Love With Life’. 

Smith notes that “As a listening child, [she] often heard older people say [things like] “If only I had my life to live over...”  She vowed to not fall prey to the same fate.  Later in life, however, when she found herself “middle-aged and alone....[She], too, began to think: “If only I had my life to live over again.”

When turning fifty, it's natural -- and a little scary -- to contemplate 'if only'.  To muse alternative fates, as if we had any choice in the matter.  

For as much as I believe we do the best we can at any point in life, it is tempting to wonder (if not fantasize) about alternative scenarios.

If only...I would have embraced my creative pursuits earlier. I was trained to work HARD -- to toil and struggle and earn success.  To pooh-pooh things that came easily.  I loved writing as a kid but it was fun and easy and it never occurred to me to write professionally until much later in life.

Then again, had I started writing professionally when I was in my twenties, I would have withered in the face of editors' rejections.  As it happens, because I was a late bloomer in terms of having a byline, I had a much more secure and realistic perspective.  I understood that an editor's 'no' was not a personal affront but rather a reflection of available column space for that issue. 

If only...I would have identified and dealt with my perfectionism earlier in life.  I regret the unnecessary stress and strain I would have saved myself and everyone around me.

This one's tougher.  At this juncture, I see no benefit for the extra decades of angst.  I guess the only saving grace is that as least I did learn the impact that perfectionism was having on me.  Some people never do. And I've done my best to help others avoid or abate the pain the perfectionism, for example in this Acceptance workbook.

If only...I would have traveled more during the past decade.  I adore travel.  I did a lot early in life and then, about ten years ago, I stopped.  Practicalities intervened and now, poof, it's years later and I realize that I've been depriving myself of something important.  Worse, I recognize that it'll be more challenging for me to hoist my fifty year old carcass up the steps of Machu Picchu and otherwise around the globe than it would have been in my fitter days.  

Still, this is all the more reason to make a point to travel more in the years to come.  If not now, then when?

Another good reason to contemplate 'if onlys'...to makes some course corrections before it's too late.

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What are your 'if only's'?  Message me or leave a comment below.

Guilty Pleasures

It's pretty fun and easy to identify "treats" and include them into my plans for making the most of turning fifty.  So far this year, I've made it a point to sprinkle treats through the weeks -- spa treatments and orchids and tasty, specialty foods and so forth.

Sure, everyone loves chocolate and massages --  but what about those things I really enjoy that I'm not "supposed" to?  It's more challenging to allow myself these Guilty Pleasures.

For one thing, I have to admit my vices.  For another, I have to convince myself that it's really okay to enjoy these otherwise embarrassing things.

 Here are two of my Guilty Pleasures:

1.  Naps

Many studies have demonstrated myriad health benefits to napping -- but to me it's a Guilty Pleasure with a capital GUILT. 

My family had very strict work ethics.  I was raised to work HARD.  To struggle and toil.  To feel like a failure unless I had pushed myself to specific goals. 

It took a while, but eventually I re-trained myself to cultivate a less aggressively ambitious attitude.  These days, I'm delighted to report, I live a pretty balanced live.

Still, given my formative training, I feel guilty when I nap.  And I love naps.  There's nothing more soothing than taking a physical break in the day. Especially when I can cuddle with my two 72 lb dogs.  

This year, as part of making the most of turning fifty, I'm allowing myself some guilt-free naps.

2.  Web Surfing

It's one thing to be a news junkie -- it's another to bounce around websites of little redeeming value.  I can't explain why, but I'm drawn to keep abreast of memes and celebrity trivia and random topics like What Kate Wore. It's silly. I'd much rather be thinking about weightier things.  Yet every day, I find myself drifting back to what I know to be mindless time-fillers.  

I can't explain the attraction, but the truth is I truly *like* knowing what's going on in the popular culture. 

So, this year, I'm ratcheting back the guilt as I surf my favourite blogs.

How about you?  What are you Guilty Pleasures?  Send me a message or post a comment below.

Finding Hidden Treasures in Your Home

As part of my commitment to read (at least) 50 Books this year, I've made a nice discovery:  there are hidden gems in my home.  

It's amazing how many wonderful books I've found on our bookshelves.  It's like browsing in my own personal bookstore -- and it's pre-tailored to my literary tastes. Some tomes were probably gifts.  Some were purchased but were shelved and somehow forgotten.  Whatever their origin, another perk of my 50th projects  has become mining the treasures I didn't know I had.

It's kinda like a book version of 'shopping in your own closet'. Which is another fun discovery.  Turns out there are some lovely items hanging in my closet that I can't remember buying. This is a bit odd, given that I'm not much of a clotheshorse. I don't enjoy clothes shopping, so I don't do it very often -- and still somehow I've managed to acquire hidden treasures among my wardrobe.


At this point in life, I don't feel compelled to acquire new stuff -- so it feels good to identify and repurpose what I already have.

I have plenty of art and craft supplies, for example.  Enough for more than the 50 Creative Projects I've committed to this year.  It feels great to make use of what I already have.

It's odd.  I'm pretty good at pruning my belongings. I make a point of going through all the household cupboards and drawers every year to donate or dispose of what's not needed.  Nevertheless, I'm finding forgotten treasures throughout our home.  And this year I'm making good use of them.

What about you?  What kinds of hidden treasures have you found in your home?  Do you enjoy 'shopping your closet' or browsing your own bookshelf?  Message me or leave a comment below.

Keeping Up Appearances

"Aging Gracefully" by Linda Moskalyk

One unavoidable hurdle one must face when turning fifty:  our appearance.  It's startling to look in the mirror and see a fifty year old staring back.  

Actually, until last year, I was feeling pretty good on this front.  I felt healthy and in shape and happy.  I considered myself reasonably fit, relative to others my age.

When I attended a joint 50th Birthday Party last summer, I was eager to reconnect with folks I hadn't seen since high school.  I was looking forward to the event, even though it had been a very stressful, challenging month leading up to the event -- my mother had passed away unexpectedly one month before  I was left, as her only relative, to sort out everything.  The strain of these weeks took its toll emotionally, psychologically and physically.  I wasn't sleeping well.  I was self-medicating with comfort food and comfort wine.

Still, when the party rolled around, I was feeling reasonably good about myself and my appearance.  Especially given the circumstances.

Okay, I confess:  I wasn't entirely delighted with the ravages of the prior month so I had my pal Jani do my makeup -- to work her professional magic to heal what she could.  

Let's be honest:  it's unnerving to meet people one hasn't seen for thirty-one years.  There's an assessment process inherent in the reconnection:  how do we look?  Are we recognizable from our teen selves?  How attractive are we?  And the kicker:  do we look (cough) fifty?

Well, apparently I went to high school with many very kind people.  They said very complementary things about my appearance -- and most of them didn't even know what hell I'd been going through. 

Subsequently, photos from the event were swapped and shared.  Damn.  Talk about a reality check.  The camera revealed the truth:  alas, I am a doughy, wrinkled, fifty year old.

Well, really, what was I expecting?  I am, after all, fifty.  Fitness has not been a focus of my life in recent years.  My drug of choice is food.  Runner up:  wine.  I have not partaken in plastic surgery or botox or any of the other California traditions.  

So what are my options?  I could go about changing my appearance -- exercise more, consume less, go under the knife.  Or I could change my attitude about my appearance.  To understand the folly of desiring to look younger or better than one does.  To accept my current state as it is.  To age gracefully.

At some point, most middle-aged people confront this issue:  how to deal with one's current appearance.  It's a very personal way of dealing with the crux of being fifty.  Our youth is gone.  Decades have flown by.  How do we want to present ourselves to the world at this point in time?  How shall we deal with the effects of the decades to come? 

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this -- message me or leave your comments below.

Check-in: Week Fifteen

Time flies. Already, I'm fifteen weeks into my Fiftieth year...one third of this milestone is already gone.

I'm delighted to report that I'm on track with my pretty much all of my projects for Making the Most of Turning Fifty, specifically:

* to enjoy (at least) 50 Frolics 

* to do (at least) 50 Creative Projects 

* to read (at least)  50 Books

* to make (at least) 50 New Recipes

* to watch (at least) 50 Films

* to listen -- really listen -- to (at least) 50 CDs

* to enjoy (at least) 50 Visits with friends

* to indulge in (at least) 50 Treats

What this means is that I'm spending my Fiftieth year doing a lot more of the things I truly love, with the people I truly care about.  I'm Making the Most of Turning Fifty, which is, after all the point of all this.

There are only three goals in which I am behind:

1.  To enjoy (at least) 50 Water Visits.

2.  To take (at least) 50 Fitness Classes, and

3.  To take (at least) 50 Fun Classes this year.  

I discussed this in an earlier post last month.  Since then, I have taken action to improve the situation.  I've made a point of getting myself (and my dogs) to the water more often.  I've planned some summertime visits to the shore. I've signed up for some fitness classes and have scouted for some fun ones.  

I've made progress, in other words.  And I'm committed to continue to do so.

One third of the way into my fiftieth year, I am pleased and energized by how my milestone year is unfolding.  Who could ask for more?

What's on Your Mind?

As part of Making the Most of Turning Fifty, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately.  I've been contemplating what's important and how I want to live my life.  

Part of this process has got me thinking about thinking itself. Specifically, I've asked myself what I spend time thinking about -- what occupies my mind during the day?

When I answered candidly, I was horrified to realize I spend the vast majority of my time thinking about 'to do's' and trivialities -- rather than contemplating writing ideas or jewelry designs or world events or art history or the meaning of life or dozens of other, more substantial topics. 

At first, I didn't believe it so I spent a few days paying attention to whatever was on my mind. The sad reality was that that few great weighty topics drifted across my consciousness.  Shockingly little occupied my mind, other than the day's 'to do's'.  Little thought was spent on The Big Picture.  Minimal brainstorming about cool creative projects. 

"I'm wasting my brain," I concluded.  "I'm frittering away my life, futzing over inconsequential matters."  I felt ashamed...and highly motivated to change the situation.  Which brought me to an important question:  What would I like to be thinking about?  On what would I prefer to be spending my mental energy? 

What a big impact this small shift in focus can have.  By asking myself this question daily, I'm delighted to report that I'm spending much more time contemplating topics that are important to me.

***

Quick!  What are you thinking about? What's on your mind right now?  

More importantly -- what would you like to be thinking about? On what would you prefer to be spending your mental energy?

 I'd love to hear your thoughts -- message me or leave a comment in the section below.

Back to the Gym

I’m woefully behind in my commitment to take (at least) 50 Fitness classes during my fiftieth year.  Life and my schedule have interfered and as a result I now have the muscle tone, flexibility and aerobic endurance of an overweight octogenarian.

This is a wee bit mortifying for someone who used to teach fitness classes professionally. 

 Okay, that was a few years ago and curtailed by a hip injury -- but still.  I’ve gone from teaching eight fitness classes a week (body sculpting, step, Pilates, yoga and circuit training) to being an erstwhile couch potato.

Being a gym rat doesn’t work for me.  I’ve tried.  Oscillating between elliptical, weight training machines, treadmill and free weights bore me to tears.  I have to force myself to the gym every time -- then force myself through the regime.

In contrast, I find fitness classes fun, social and highly motivating.  I like having a regularly scheduled fitness appointment.

So what’s the problem, then?  Why not just sign up for a class or two?  Alas, I’m a stickler for commitment. I won’t register for a class unless I know I can be there for the duration.  This year, my schedule is unsettled.  Either I’ve missed the deadlines to sign up...or I doubt I can make a commitment to be there for the full eight weeks.

The solution materialized yesterday.  The gym where I tried (and failed) to work out now offers classes that sounded interesting.  Zumba, for example.  I didn’t know what Zumba was, exactly, but I expected it to involve Latin music and choreography of some sort.  I enjoy choreography.  It requires brain power than makes me forget I’m exercising.

Full of mad resolve, I headed to the gym, destination:  Zumba.  I went early, actually, to catch the yoga class beforehand. I figured it would behoove me to stretch my carcass for the first time since my brief brush with Bikram (sweatbox) yoga in December. 

The hatha yoga class was a perfect re-entry into fitness.  Sedate and gentle.  It was so relaxing, in fact, that the guy beside me fell asleep and was snoring through the ‘death pose’ that concluded the class. 

Thankfully, the instructor picked that moment to burst into song.  Yes, song.  She serenaded us with a tune deftly performed in Urdu or possibly Sanskrit -- what I hope was a prayer or blessing, but really it could have been a Nepalese commercial for McDonalds, for all I know.  Whatever it was, it was lovely.

There were ten minutes between classes, so I shlepped to the machines and dutifully filled the interval with as many reps as I could muster.  It’s so not my thing...but better to fill the ten minutes with some gym-related activity, given my location.

Before the Zumba class began, I introduced myself to the instructor.

            “First timer,” I said, pointing at myself.  “What do I need to know about Zumba?”

            “Oh just watch me and have fun with it,” she said, wiggling her hips.  “Bring your own flava.”

            “Flava.  Ah,” I said.  “I’ll be in the back of the room and taking breaks when I need to.”

The music commenced and the class snapped into action.  In unison and with no verbal instruction, they snapped their heads to the right and left and commenced a series of isolations.  A typical warm up sequence.

            “Ah so it is like a dance class,” I said happily as I followed their lead.

The next song was a 1980’s classic dance tune...aptly heralding the next sequence of moves.  Moves reminiscent of those old time aerobics classes of the Jane Fonda workout/ headband/leg warmer era.

            “This is like right out of a 1980’s Jazzercise class,” I thought.  “Is this was Zumba is?  The  Jazzercize of the 2010’s?”

It was a blast from the past but a fun one.  You know how you can hear a song you haven’t heard in decades yet somehow recall all the lyrics?  Apparently, it’s the same with dance moves.  My body perked right up and followed right along as if it had done this choreography just yesterday.

Turns out this was another warm-up element.  When the third song commenced, it was, at last, time to Zumba.

Zumba, it turns out, is basically Latin dance moves with a dash of hip hop and a soupcon of bellydancing. Basically, it was a really fun dance class and I was in hog heaven.  It felt so damn good to MOVE.  I merengued and salsa’d and shimmied with my own version of 'flava'.  I shook my middle age carcass like no-one was watching. 

Before I knew it, the hour was up.  I was elated with the experience.  It felt more like a frolic than 'exercise'.  This was exactly the kind of class I’d been yearning to find...and even better, this is an ongoing class that occurs every Monday and Wednesday.  I don’t have to sign up for anything -- just show up when I’m in town. 

 
I’ll be showing up!  Zumba will be a fun and wonderful way to meet my commitment to participate in (at least) 50 Fitness Classes this year.